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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29951610">The Paper Bag Principality</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ack_Emma/pseuds/Ack_Emma'>Ack_Emma</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett, The Paper Bag Princess - Robert Munsch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aziraphale is a Little Shit (Good Omens), Aziraphale is smart, Crowley is a Sweetheart (Good Omens), Fanart, Fireside Cuddling, Gabriel is still an archangel and a dick boss, Happy Ending, Heaven Inc. employee Aziraphale, Illustrated, Kidnapping, No one gets hurt, Other, Rescue, Revenge body-shaming, and it's not even to Gabriel's face, flying serpent Crowley, it's hard work but someone's gotta do it, only one line, thwarting wiles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:48:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>845</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29951610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ack_Emma/pseuds/Ack_Emma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A Good Omens adaptation of the classic story <i>The Paper Bag Princess</i>!</p>
<p>Aziraphale sets out to rescue Gabriel from a demonic, flying serpent. Luckily our angel is armed with his bravery and wit, and is dressed to thrill... in a paper bag.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>I commissioned the amazing <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Sparkle">Blue_Sparkle</a>, who drew fantastic art for the ending scene. 👍</p>
<p>Big thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassieoh">cassieoh</a> for the HTML help!  ❤️</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>GO-Events Book Fest</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Paper Bag Principality</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aziraphale was a kind, bookish Principality.  He had a gleaming halo and feathery, white wings, and wore a smart uniform. He worked for a boss named Archangel Gabriel at Heaven Inc.  Aziraphale was a devoted worker and hoped Gabriel would give him a commendation someday.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, a flying serpent slithered and smashed through Heaven Inc.’s regional office, turned all the Heaven Inc. uniforms into polyester with his futuristic fashion sense, and carried off Archangel Gabriel.</p>
<p>Aziraphale decided to chase the serpent and get his boss Gabriel back.  He looked everywhere for something to wear but the only thing he could find that wasn't polyester was a paper bag.  Seeing as he had standards he put on the paper bag and followed the kidnapper.  </p>
<p>He was easy to follow, because Aziraphale was acquainted with this wily old serpent and had been invited to his home for dinner barely a fortnight ago.</p>
<p>Aziraphale came to a cave with a large door that had a huge knocker on it.  The knocker was the shape of two winged beings wrestling in the nude and Aziraphale tried not to look too closely at it.  He took hold of the knocker and banged on the door. </p>
<p>The flying serpent stuck his nose out the door.  </p>
<p>“Hullo, angel,” the serpent grinned toothily.  “I’ve kidnapped my quota of Heaven Inc. employees for today.  I am a very busy serpent.  Come back tomorrow.”  The shiny, black head turned and a flash of red belly signalled the snake’s intent to go back inside.</p>
<p>“Wait!”  Aziraphale cried.  “Surely with your quota met you have time to tell me of the fantastic deeds you’ve been up to?”</p>
<p>Flattered, the flying serpent regaled Aziraphale with tales of mischief and wit.  The Principality laughed and clapped and his eyes shone with amusement and happiness.  The serpent smirked and gave wry smiles, and asked Aziraphale about his work, too.  </p>
<p>Before they knew it, evening had fallen and Aziraphale’s tummy began to rumble.</p>
<p>“Oh!” he exclaimed.  “I’ve gotten peckish.  Aren’t you going to invite me in?  There was rather good mutton in the area when we met at that inn 200 years ago, not to mention the ale…”</p>
<p>Charmed, the serpent let Aziraphale into his lair and they dined on a delicious, magically manifested banquet.  Aziraphale gradually edged his seat closer and closer to the serpent and hand-fed his host endless delicacies that the angel said he “absolutely must try”.  The table was filled with Aziraphale’s favourites, so there was quite a lot he was eager to recommend.</p>
<p>When they had eaten more than their fill Aziraphale suggested they retire by the fire.</p>
<p>“Your wing joints must have gotten sore, carrying all of Gabriel’s bulk here by flight.  He doesn't jog nearly as much as he thinks he does.”</p>
<p>“S’part of the job, angel,” the serpent answered drowsily.</p>
<p>“Here, my dear, let me rub some of the ache from them.”</p>
<p>And so with tender and gentle brushes Aziraphale stroked the serpent’s sore joints until the dread, terrifying beast rested its head in the angel’s lap and fell asleep.  </p>
<p>“Crowley?”  Aziraphale whispered softly.</p>
<p>Adorable little snake snores were his only response.</p>
<p>Aziraphale brought his lips right to the serpent’s face and shouted as loud as his corporation could, “Crowley!”</p>
<p>The flying serpent was so tired he didn’t even move.  Aziraphale rested the scaly head gently on the sumptuous rug and made his way to the dungeon.</p>
<p>There was Archangel Gabriel, in a cell.  The keys were on a nearby table and Aziraphale hastily unlocked the jail door.  </p>
<p>Gabriel looked at him and said, “Aziraphale, you are a mess!  You smell like four kinds of roasted meat, your hair is all tangled and you are wearing a dirty old paper bag.  What a disgrace to Heaven Inc.  Come back and rescue me when you are dressed like a real Principality.”</p>
<p>Shocked, Aziraphale thought of his bravery in coming to thwart the serpent with no armour but his wits.  He thought of his brilliant plan to rescue Gabriel that avoided any conflict or war.  Then he recalled the serpent’s funny tales and considerate enquiries about Aziraphale’s own life, how he had remembered all the foods Aziraphale had enjoyed over the ages, the companionable way they sat together by the flickering fire, the trust the serpent had shown by allowing Aziraphale to touch him, and the intimacy of the serpent falling asleep beside him.</p>
<p>Aziraphale straightened up and looked Gabriel right in the eye.</p>
<p>“Gabriel!  Your cashmere suit is really pretty and your hair is very neat.  You look like a real archangel, but <em> you are a bum</em>.”</p>
<p>Aziraphale shut the cell door in Gabriel’s face, made a gesture with his hand (signalling a rather strong sentiment, coming from a Principality), and went back to sit by the fire.</p>
<p>It turns out, flying serpents are rather good cuddlers.  Aziraphale surreptitiously tore the neckline of his paper bag a little lower and the hemline of the bag a little higher and in the morning, suggested to Crowley that he come live in the lair, too.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Aziraphale is sure Crowley will say yes to him moving in, he just wants to see if a black, demonic serpent can blush if he sees enough angelic thigh.  (Yes, yes he can.)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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